The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

Careers

BIRD OF PREY: Duolingo killed its chaotic owl mascot for attention. And we won’t give it to them. Good riddance, weirdo.

DECISION COACH: For $247, Nell Wulfhart will help you decide what to make for dinner. Technically, the “professional decision-maker” focuses on helping people make much bigger life choices regarding their relationships and careers, but she’s probably not gonna hang up when you start rattling off the list of random ingredients you have in your fridge.

PLUGIN 4 WORK: A military-grade robot DJ-ed at a club in San Francisco. People seemed to enjoy it even if it leaned a little too heavily into Matchbox Twenty.

Personal

ISO SEATING: An engineer and roller-skating fan named Chris Duderstadt has built over 200 public benches in the Inner Sunset neighborhood of San Francisco. It costs him about $80 to finish a bench compared to the $6,000 the city charges.

UR NEXT WATCH: For the medical drama fans always screaming, “No way he could get away with saying that!” during an episode of House, frontline medical professionals are lauding The Pitt as one of the most realistic examples of working in the ER they’ve seen.

For sale

1 BR, NO GARAGE: Culdesac Tempe, the country’s first car-free neighborhood, broke ground in 2021, and so far, there haven’t been many complaints. We have no idea where the teens are nervously working up the courage to lean in for a kiss while nodding along to Postal Service, but other than that…people seem to be happy.

2 FOR 1: Conservators found a hidden painting of a woman underneath Pablo Picasso’s Portrait of Mateu Fernández de Soto using infrared and X-ray photos. This was a lot more tame than what that freak Rembrandt put behind Belshazzar’s Feast.—MM

Everyone decked out in green. The copious consumption of alcohol on the streets. A few arrests. No, it wasn’t an early St. Patrick’s Day celebration—it was the City of Brotherly Love showing its affection during the Philadelphia Eagles’ Super Bowl parade on Valentine’s Day. More than 1 million fans braved temperatures in the low 30s to cheer, climb light poles, and confuse defensive backs.

And consider this your photo of the week within the photo of the week: The city tweaked its iconic “LOVE” sign to honor Eagles quarterback and Super Bowl MVP Jalen Hurts.—DL

Here are some illuminating scientific discoveries from the week to help you live better and maybe even avoid atrophy in outer space.

🦫 Beavers built a million-dollar dam for free. Hold up…let ‘em gnaw: Beavers in the Czech Republic just finished a wetlands project that had been delayed by years of land negotiations “practically overnight,” according to the country’s nature conservation agency. First drafted in 2018, the plan was to dam up old army training grounds south of Prague in order to create a protective barrier for the nearby river. Constructing the dams would’ve cost close to $1.3 million USD, but the government didn’t end up needing to spend it once local beavers got to work. The wetland they instinctually created spans almost five acres—twice as big as the human-made version would’ve been, Agence France-Presse reported.

Quantum teleportation has been achieved, scientists say. Like magic, quantum computers that weren’t hooked up to one another in any conventional way just ran an algorithm together—a crucial breakthrough that could make it easier to build quantum supercomputers. A team of Oxford researchers engineered interactions between computers that were six-and-a-half feet apart by transmitting information via photons, aka light, instead of using electrical signals. Getting the computers to work together across their physical distance showed that “network-distributed quantum information processing is feasible with current technology,” the lead investigator, David Lucas, said. Though some experts think we’re still decades away from quantum computers going mainstream, Bill Gates recently said he thinks it could happen in the next five years.

Hopping could help astronauts stay healthy. You always return to your roots (jumping jacks): A new study of knee cartilage in mice suggests that human beings who spend time in space may be able to prevent joint and bone issues associated with prolonged low-gravity living just by incorporating more jumping into their exercise routines. Mice who were made to jump around three times a week over nine weeks had 26% thicker cartilage than a control group and 110% thicker cartilage than mice whose physical activity was reduced. The jump-active mice also had 15% denser shin bones than regular mice by the end of the study, which could be especially relevant for astronauts because microgravity diminishes leg strength.—ML

Just like the legendary show celebrating its 50th anniversary, we’ll jump right in: Saturday Night Live is airing a 3-hour special star-studded episode tonight to honor its five decades on air.

The SNL birthday bash will feature a who’s-who of comedy roster of former cast members and hosts that’s too long to list, as well as several musical guests, including Paul McCartney, Sabrina Carpenter, Post Malone, and Lady Gaga. And straying from the show’s usual late night slot, it will air on NBC and Peacock at 8pm ET.

It’s currently celebrating becoming the 5th longest-running show on TV, but SNL is known for much more than its longevity. What started as a boundary-pushing TV sketch comedy experiment became a comedic celebrity mill that shaped what makes generations of Americans spit out their coffee.

Without SNL…ex-cast members Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Bill Murray, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and other A-listers likely would have never become household names; we might never have gotten sitcoms like Parks and Recreation and 30 Rock from alumni showrunners; our cultural zeitgeist would lack dozens of iconic gags; and useful phrases like “Debbie Downer” would be missing from our lexicon.

When SNL debuted in 1975 amid a TV comedy landscape dominated by silver-haired dudes in suits, its irreverent sketches were the first thing that made many young boomers earnestly crack up. Producer Lorne Michaels, who still runs the show in a semi-dictatorial manner, cultivated an environment that rewarded experimentation and creative risk-taking. He had young writers and performers bouncing ideas off each other, while carefully orchestrating the process and curating the best for showtime.

• Michaels also shook things up with rotating celebrity hosts and constantly updating casts, which perpetually injected the show with fresh blood.
• SNL also helped popularize the cold open as an audience retention hack that’s since been seen in shows like The Office and The Big Bang Theory.

But complaining that SNL just doesn’t hit like it used to has long become a national sport. In a sign that it’s not as beloved as it used to be, 50% of audiences said they didn’t miss it when it went off air during the writer’s strike in 2023, per a Newsweek poll. So, as digital outlets sap TV viewership and audiences perpetually doubt its comedic freshness, we must ask a question almost as old as SNL itself: Is SNL washed?

SNL’s influence may be waning

The show’s signature characteristic that is in its name—the live broadcast that lends the show its sense of spontaneity—is no longer part of the experience for many viewers.

• Clips from the show racked up 3.1 billion views on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok and other social platforms last season, according to The Hollywood Reporter, and NBC says it grew its social video views by 36% from the previous year.
• But on social media, it’s elbowing through a crowded field of entertainers whose lack of elaborate sets and NBC budgets doesn’t stop them from garnering a comparable number of views.

The struggle to compete for eyeballs with new media was on view during the last presidential election: Kamala Harris’ SNL cold open got 11 million views on YouTube, but 55 million people watched Donald Trump’s pre-election interview with Joe Rogan.

And it’s been a while since SNL has launched any cast member to Box Office superstardom like it did with numerous comedy legends in decades past.

But don’t write it off

SNL started this season with an average 7.3 million viewers per episode, according to Nielsen, and it remains the most popular comedy show on TV. As for doubts about its sparkle, the BBC’s Caryn James points out that SNL banger-to-cringe ratio was always uneven, noting that some people may have distorted memories about how consistently hilarious it actually was in seasons past.

While the show’s audience is now largely made up of people who remember Dana Carvey impersonating George Bush Sr., SNL is still making inroads with younger audiences by inviting Gen Z stars such as Timothée Chalamet to host and Olivia Rodrigo as a musical guest. 

Looking ahead…the show’s ability to make viewers recount its gags to colleagues the following Monday will depend in part on who gets tapped to run it after 80-year-old Michaels retires. The rumor mill has named SNL veterans Tina Fey, John Mulaney, Kristen Wiig, Seth Meyers, and Keenan Thompson as potential successors.—SK

The third season of The White Lotus premieres tonight on HBO and Max to fill the void in your Sunday nights and satiate your desire to see rich people made to look silly in an exotic location. This year’s setting for a luxury hotel murder is Thailand, which is sure to become a popular “set-jetting” destination just as Maui and Sicily did after the show’s first two seasons.

This travel trend of “set-jetting” to the location of beloved TV shows and movies isn’t new, but it has grown especially popular since The White Lotus premiered in 2021. According to Expedia Group, two-thirds of travelers surveyed last fall said that TV shows and movies are influencing their vacation choices this year.

And it’s far from just The White Lotus piquing the interest of people planning their PTO:

• Searches for the London suburb of Richmond—a filming location for Ted Lasso—increased 160% during the show’s run.
• Norway saw searches increase 65% after it was featured during the final season of Succession.
• Other popular shows that have helped local economies include Yellowstone (Montana/Wyoming), The Traitors (Scotland) and Emily in Paris (Paris).

Job production: The White Lotus did economic wonders for Hawaii at a time when the lockdowns during Covid were decimating the tourism industry. The filming of the first season—along with the nearby production of the reality series Temptation Island—provided jobs for more than 400 people at a time when work was scarce.—DL